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If you have a colleague who trusts you, you could always betray this trust by sending them a workbook which misbehaves: it won't close and you can't leave it!
This blog shows how to use each of the 5 arguments of the RANKX function to rank rows in PowerPivot.
It's not for the faint-hearted, but there is a way to capture application events (such as someone trying to create a new workbook) in Excel, using something called an event sink. This blog explains how you might go about creating an event sink.